A Dieter's Lament

I'll start tomorrow, I promised myself
words to live by? Not so much
that red dress meant for Christmas dance
had not desired result with romance

French corsets in blue, black, red, nude
gave me an hour glass figure, yes
however lungs and ribs argued
they did not like the breathlessness

Our Christmas and New Year fares
of turkey, gammon, wine, cheese and pies
were cause of rude and curious stares
at widening, dimpled, hips and thighs

Come January, new fitness trainer
takes measurements of every aspect
claims strict diet a no-brainer
no carbs, just protein, veggies and fat

And daily pictures of all my food
weigh-in at same time every morning
12 weeks straight in quite good mood
but now I'm nearly dying of boredom

No wine, no cheese, no dessert either
No bread, no rice, no tomatoes or roots
Draconian much?? Never say never
Couldn't even consume some fruit

A staple of salad, fish, beef and chicken
Was all I ever had for days
and craving now for something different
I reverted to my greedy ways

Cheese, wine, macaroons, pavlova
All snuck in slowly one by one
baguettes with liberal lashings of butter
it was in France I was undone

I had dropped pounds and loads of fat
but now needle's stuck on weighing machine
my progress seems to have gone flat
and horrors!! even inching up again

Alas! hips, thighs and waist must fit
into all those designer clothes I bought
I shall have to restart diet
sadly resigned to my tragic lot.